For the first time in about eight years I am truly experiencing single life. My partner and I ended our relationship a few weeks ago and being on my own has been enlightening thus far. Relationships are great—don’t get me wrong—but there is something about being solo that is just really special. I think this is the first time in my life that I am not worried about who I am going to date next or how I am going to meet someone new. I am finally turning the focus on myself. The following are some realizations/ goals that I have made in the past few weeks:
I will learn to find happiness in myself. I think one of the biggest issues for me in relationships is that my wellbeing would rely too much on how my partner made me feel. I would expect them to create all the pleasure in my life and that is a grand expectation to ask of a person. I am now finding myself on this path to self-discovery. A path where I can learn about what truly makes me happy and fulfilled. One of the things that I have learned very quickly is how much I lacked close relationships with women. I had always spent so much of my time and energy on the guy I was seeing that I didn’t have much left for friendships. There are so many women in my life that I admire—especially women in WILL—that I am now able to devote my time toward.
I will now focus on my health and wellbeing. And I will be doing it for myself. Not to look better for someone else. I want to take this time to practice being more mindful of what I put in my body and how I treat it. I want to learn to love curves and dents instead of feeling shamed by them. My body is capable of so much and so am I.
I will devote more time to self-care. Very recently I have experienced a lot of stressors in my personal life but I also believe that it is “just that time of the semester”. Everything that I was putting off is starting to pile up and due dates are coming quickly. It feels like there are never enough hours in the day. I have come to realize that putting off self-care for when “I will have more time” is not helpful. It is the days that I feel like there is no time that I need self-care (meditation, bubble baths, yoga, etc.) the most. I have a tendency to take on too much. A big part of taking care of myself is knowing when I need to slow down.
I will focus on my goals and my future. I will now be able to really see what I want to do and where I want to go in life instead of worrying about integrating my future plans with someone else’s. This has been extremely important for me. In the past few weeks I have been more in tune with my desires, which has helped me reshape my long-term goals.
All in all I feel that being solo will also help be grow as a leader. It will finally be taking the time to get to know my values, my goals, and myself. In my opinion all of the best leaders are very self-aware. And I hope that all of these goals will follow me into all my future relationships.
Heidi Palmer is a second year WILL member.